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Jeff The Land Shark Lore

Sharknado

As Jeff the Land Shark swam another lap around his small glass enclosure, frustration finally began to settle in. He had tried so hard to stay his usual optimistic self, even after he lost track of how long he had been held captive here inside this strange Theme Park created by the enigmatic Elder of the Universe known as the Collector.

Jeff didn't really know how he got here in the first place. One second, he was frolicking in the endless waves lapping at the California coast with his BFF Gwen. The next, he was here, trapped within a tiny tank that he couldn't seem to chomp his way out of, no matter how wide he opened his powerful, little jaws.

But since his unexpected arrival, Jeff had pieced together why he was here. Surrounding his own enclosure were countless other holding cells, each containing unique specimens of lifeforms he had never seen before. Some almost looked like the human friends he had made back home, but others were so bizarre and alien that they couldn't possibly have lived on the land or beneath the waves of his native world. Jeff had visited a zoo before with another of his friends, the archer called Kate. And now, he thought that he was probably in one — just another exhibit on display in an intergalactic menagerie on the edge of the known universe.

Jeff didn't love being confined in his tank, but he had taken some comfort in the fact that he wasn't here alone. And while none of the other creatures around him seemed to be fluent in landshark, there was one fellow captive whose thoughts Jeff could hear in his own head. She said her name was Mantis and that she was a friend. And if there's one thing that Jeff loved — other than devouring everything in his path — it was new friends!

But one thing that Jeff hated was when those friends were in trouble... which brings us back to why Jeff had suddenly lost his cheerful demeanor in the first place. Jeff had felt Mantis's psionic scream as she was removed from her cell and dragged away. He had heard the guards talking about taking her to some sort of arena where the Collector's prisoners were forced to fight for their lives against multi-dimensional variants of themselves. Jeff had no idea what any of that meant. But he did know that Mantis was in trouble. He couldn't hear her voice in his head anymore. He couldn't feel her calming presence. He couldn't see where she was or if she was safe. And that made Jeff mad!

Jeff began to swim frenzied circles in his tank, increasing his speed by swishing his tail and paddling his tiny legs as fast as he could. When he had built up enough momentum, he propelled himself toward the wall that separated him from freedom. But the only result was sharp pain as his sweet little face smooshed against the crystal clear wall. Not even the slightest chip or crack could be seen in the glass... though a few may have been left behind in his teeth. It was clear that Jeff would need another plan if he wanted to escape.

As he floated there, dazed from the impact, Jeff wondered what his friends back home would do if they were in his situation. Kate would probably use an explosive arrow. Gwen would find an unexpected way to break through a wall (probably the fourth one). Elsa would have hidden some ancient enchanted blade in her ponytail to slice through the impenetrable glass. And Wade would simply sweet talk the guards into letting him out, winning their favor with false promises of money and tacos. None of those options would work for Jeff. He was stuck here, and the thoughts of his lost friends — including Mantis — left him feeling more and more alone with every second that passed.

But then he sensed it. A familiar tingle in his brain. Mantis was alive! And she was coming back... for him! Jeff couldn't help but grin as his friend approached, flashing several rows of serrated teeth in her direction. This was the first time he had seen Mantis in person, but while he may not have known her face, he immediately recognized her mind. Now that mind was clearly focused on one thing only — escaping from captivity once and for all.

"MMMRRRRR!!!!"

"He's going to draw the guards," another voice said.

In all his excitement, Jeff hadn't even noticed that Mantis was not alone. She had another humanoid with her, this one far more dark and brooding in demeanor. She did not look nearly as happy to see Jeff as Mantis did. And, to be honest, Jeff wasn't convinced that he liked her much either.

"Mrrr?" Jeff grunted quizzically, noticing the way the second woman was looking at him. He felt as though she was sizing him up, preparing to strike him down the second there was no longer any glass between them.

"Don't mind her," Mantis said as she started to activate the release mechanism on the side of Jeff's enclosure. "She wants to get out of here as badly as we do. And she knows the only way we can make that happen is if we work together."

Jeff smiled at Mantis, and she smiled back. Despite the fact that they were attempting to break out of the Collector's exhibition, with no real idea how to escape or where they would go if they did get free, there was something about this humanoid that made Jeff feel like everything was going to be all right. And it was clear he had the same effect on her.

Mantis continued to fiddle with the latch on Jeff's tank just as a squadron of armed guards came into view. As the guards shouted something in an alien language, Jeff could sense that Mantis was already reaching out with her mind in hopes of diverting them. But as quick as Mantis's thoughts were, somehow their new friend managed to get to the Collector's crew first. Her blades flashed in a glittering dance, and in seconds, the guards were down for the count. Jeff couldn't have been more impressed.

"Mrrr," Jeff said, trying to express his appreciation to the purple-haired warrior. Her cold gaze never softened. Jeff could sense that her mind was powerful, just like Mantis's, but her thoughts and emotions were heavily guarded. Jeff wanted his newest friend to like him as much as Mantis did, but for now he would simply have to accept that she no longer seemed to want to kill him or leave him behind.

Mantis finally managed to swing open the door of Jeff's tank, releasing a flood of water into the hallway. Jeff emerged from the miniature wave it created, propping himself up on his stubby legs and giving his body a quick shake to expel the excess moisture from his skin. Mantis laughed with pure delight as a deluge of droplets rained down on her. The other woman was not nearly as amused.

"Let's go," Mantis said, beckoning to her unlikely pair of partners. She began to run through the Collector's menagerie with a determination that made Jeff believe she knew where she was going. The warrior woman stayed close at Mantis's side, so Jeff felt the best thing to do was bound along right behind them.

As Mantis and her companion forged ahead, Jeff suddenly found himself distracted by an unusual smell. It was unlike anything he had ever encountered before, either on land or in the sea. It smelled delicious... and powerful...

Before he realized what he was doing, Jeff had veered off from his companions, entering the Collector's private gallery. Here, the Elder of the Universe had gathered some of the most powerful items and artifacts in all of existence and was displaying them for his wealthiest patrons to gaze upon. Jeff didn't know what any of these strange things were. Not the six colorful stones, nor the glowing cube, nor the otherworldly crimson gem, nor the flaming demonic scroll. But he did know one thing. He hadn't eaten in a very long time...

Jeff's instincts took control. He opened his tiny jaws wide and started to swallow down almost everything in the gallery as quickly as he could. Alarms began to blare, but it didn't stop Jeff from consuming one object of power after another!

"There you are, Jeff!" Mantis cried as she and her mysterious ally entered the now-empty gallery. "We thought we had lost you. Are you... okay...?"

"Mrrr...URP!" Jeff belched in response. His tiny tummy had started to rumble after he had gulped down a little metal vial marked PYM.

As Jeff blushed with embarrassment, Mantis chuckled. Even the steel-willed stranger couldn't help but smirk. But all levity instantly faded as another group of guards arrived in the gallery.

"Tivan is going to have our heads!" one guard shouted, as he realized that all of the artifacts in the private gallery had somehow vanished.

"Not if we bring him theirs first," another guard responded, aiming his weapon directly at Mantis and pulling the trigger.

"MRRRRR!"

Without a second of hesitation, Jeff leapt between the guard and Mantis, instinctively shielding his friend from the oncoming blast. But as he intercepted the attack, something extraordinary happened. Jeff grew to ten times his regular size!

"Hmm," mused the warrior woman. "Must've been something he ate..."

The enlarged Jeff let out a delighted squeal as he charged toward the guards, all of whom dropped their weapons and retreated as swiftly as possible.

As soon as they were in the clear, Jeff beckoned Mantis and her friend to follow him.

"That's not the right way, friend," Mantis said. "We found the hangar. It's in the other direction. That hall will just lead you back to your cell."

"Mrrr," Jeff said confidently, fully aware of what he was doing.

"Oh, I see," Mantis said with a smile. "Good boy, Jeff."

The women raced after the giant Jeff, back into the heart of the menagerie.

"Stand back, everyone," Mantis cried out directly into the minds of all the captive creatures.

As the alien assemblage took cover within their cells, the massive land shark gave a mighty twirl, swinging his tail with tremendous force and shattering through the outer glass walls of countless enclosures. The lifeforms once trapped within suddenly emerged from holding and scattered in all directions, each seeking their own way out of the Collector's custody.

"Mrrr?" Jeff asked as he began to shrink back down to his normal size.

"I know, Jeff," Mantis responded. "But we don't have time to save them all. At least not yet."

"Come on," their curious companion said, leading Jeff and Mantis through the chaos and back toward the hangar. "This may be our only chance."

Together, they entered the hangar, and Mantis located a spacecraft similar to the one she had flown during her time with the Guardians of the Galaxy. Relief washed over her as she led her new teammates onto the ship and powered it up.

"We're finally free," the other woman said with relief. "We can go home now..."

But the stoic warrior paused. She didn't need Mantis's empathic abilities to sense the sadness radiating through Jeff's mind as he looked back toward the creatures rampaging through the Theme Park below them.

"And they will be free, too," Mantis said reassuringly, placing a hand on Jeff's smooth fin and giving it a gentle rub. "We will find help and come back for them. We will free every single one of them. And we will make sure the Collector pays for what he has done. How does that sound, little one?"

As the ship lifted off, Jeff responded as only he could. With a toothy grin and an emphatic:

"MMMRRRRRR!!!"